Still holidaying

I am waiting for my background check to come through so haven't started work yet....now each day feels like a special holiday! I might have found a rideshare too. Found a website that connects people and got an email from someone who lives around the corner and commutes to San Jose every day. The joy of a rideshare (apart from not having to use public transport) is that you only need two people in the car to use the car pool lane - very helpful as it is a very busy road!
I went to San Fran (well Walnut Creek.......one date now having turned into several more) for the weekend and had a fab time. Went and watched this movie. It is very very funny in that fab english humour kind of way. We also wandered into the Castro which is the queer centre of San Fran. The streets and bars were packed - mostly with gay men but best of all was the group of guys wearing pink bunny suits just standing on the corner waving and wishing everyone a happy day; no reason, just because they could! Sat in the back of a very funky wineshop and sampled so very good reds as well - had a nice time all up. Ended up in The Haight which is a very lively eclectic mix of shops and restaurants ranging from punk rocker through to good quality (expensive) shoes. All very visually interesting and a bit wacky.
It's been a movie week as Michelle and I also went to see Jodie Fosters new movie The Brave One. Not one of her better ones as it plays the usual formula that she has been running with for a while (you know, nice girl finds her inner badness.......but really she's not so bad even as she goes around killing people......). Certainly didn't prompt any deep reflection by Michelle or I.
I am also wildly excited to report that my new motorcycle boots have arrived - and most likely would have saved me from a foot munching had I worn them some years back. I really am very happy with them. My course starts in mid October and I am simply obssessed by any and all bikes I see on the street (although in the main in Santa Cruz there really do only seem to be Harley's although I do live down the road from the Harley shop so that may account for the numbers I am seeing). The Harley shop recommended the course I am doing - run through the local college. The college provides the bikes and helmets - no idea what size or type of bike. I am hoping they will be bigger bikes (ie 600 versus 250s) just because I am buying a bigger bike. Time will tell I guess.

I have a job

Yes it’s true – I am about to officially re.join the ranks of the gainfully employed……..well paid employment that is! I am contracting to TechProse who have me consulting in a project for CISCO. I am embarrassed to say I didn’t have much of a clue who CISCO were……….but ignoring that detail – honestly I didn’t know much about Treasury before I worked there either – the project is BIG (like 400 people on it), complex, involves systems/processes/culture change. WOW – yes it’s back in communications (I am never ever saying I am giving it up again, my credibility is shot). I had no less than four interviews – two telephone, two face to face and at each turn got more and more excited – I’m as shocked as anyone to have discovered that I might not be done with this comms lark! It just became irresistible. Logistically the commute is a little complicated as I live in Santa Cruz and the job is in San Jose (Silicon Valley) which is about an hour commute north of here and another half hour to CISCO…….but I can most likely get in on a car pool. It’s happening fast………if my background check goes through quickly I start on Monday.....It's initially a three month contract and we go from there (I of course have plans to make myself indispensible).
I am still going to finish the book but it is no longer a full time task and really the time has come to get a job. It has me feel like I am moving onto the next stage of settling in here. I really am feeling very much like this is where I belong.
And on that note I have met a whole new group of very very fun people and launched into "dating" - such a different world. Last weeks mixer was a very fun "eye opener" into queer San Fran. The pool party (which was actually in Walnut Creek about 30mins north of San Fran) was great fun and included a few of the people I had met the night before (and was hosted by the person who took me to the mixer). There was also a very lovely spa pool, reminding me of the Auckland days. Michelle came too which was really nice (it's lovely to have her back and watch her settle into her new little house).
In the interests of expanding my education I also found myself sitting near three guys on the greyhound bus who had recently been released from prison. One was so excited he couldn't sit still in his seat and aspired to nothing more than a $6 hamburger - all three seemed happy to share their excitement with at least half the bus. I did say travelling by greyhound was an adventure didn't I?

That was big

Last week would be classified in my world as "a big week". Not least of which because I sat and passed my practical driving test. I sat the written a few weeks back (no I'm not one to share all of my possible failures in advance so I didn't share that - announcing that I had failed that would have been.......humiliating!). Things of note from both. The written test actually has a lot of driver safety tips in it, rather than the law itself. Each state is different and mostly if you move to a new state you have to re.sit the written test........well actually maybe that's only a rule in California. Because I'm also an international driver I had to do the practical as well. Bloody hell - the thought of it freaked me out for ages then it became clear I couldn't get my bike licence without my drivers licence (well I could but it all amounts to the same thing) and your drivers licence is your primary from of ID for everything here. I booked a two hour lesson with a drivers school (I've not driven since I left the ranch) and wanted some pointers on what the examiner looks for. Glad I did - there are some tricky things to know here. Well not least of which you can turn right on a redlight.......almost always if the road is clear...........pedestrians and bikes are gods (well in theory at least and for the purposes of the drivers licence)........intersections without lights, he or she who arrives first leaves first....you've got to remember who arrives when - tricky. Anyway the test itself takes all of 15mins and involves driving around this complicated set of intersections - they didn't make me drive on the freeway (lucky as I haven't done that at all in California). Now I just need to forget everything I learned and try and keep one step ahead of the crazies on the road.
Went to my job interview. It went really well and they want me to come back next week to meet the next level of managers and the woman whose project I maybe on. BIG BIG scary project..........it was the one I said I wanted. Couldn't help myself, it's only just started and sounds like a really big challenge and that I could learn alot from the woman leading it. Seems most of the project teams have a majority of woman in them. Professionally (to avoid the sniggers), I've never worked with a team where woman are the majority. That should be interesting. Downside of the deal is commuting to San Jose is actually quite a long jaunt if I am relying on public transport. Even with the bike it wouldn't be the best road to commute on. So have been thinking about starting out with getting a "ride share" with someone who commutes from Santa Cruz then if it proves a long term thing will most likely have to move some place closer. Not San Jose - really it is full of these lovely landscaped office towers owned by big tech coys.
Alongside all this I am still doing the book but it will be finished by Xmas and really I can't afford to turn away work that lands in my lap..........well I hope it will!
Been investigating buying motorcycle boots - which might have been a very useful thing to have last time I almost killed myself riding and mashed my ankle. For those that fear - the scars continue to be a reminder that you should wear the right gear and you shouldn't ride when your mind isn't on the game.
Next Sunday I've been invited to a "pool party" in Walnut Creek about 35mins outta SF. It's a good opportunity to meet more people (mixer straight and queer). I've also been invited to a strictly girl mixer in SF on the Saturday. Tricky travelling, will see how it works but at the very least will go to the pool party.
On the quirky side I was walking down the street and this little guy holding a container of the very tiniest origami birds hands me one - not looking for money just sharing the love - that is Santa Cruz for you.

Crashed on take-off

Oh well turns out United don't want newly immigrated 40yr olds with Masters degrees serving coffee, tea and assorted other snacks..............it's fair to say I am not feeling "devastated" and that my bank manager will be somewhat relieved............now have I told you about Yellowstone??? Okay yes, I am still pursueing possibilities in Silicon Valley (I can almost smell the bike oil and hear the engine roar.........).

Labour Day

It is Labour Day here, not that it means much to me as I am not working........and some days I have no idea what day it is. That only becomes complicated on those rare ocassions I have an appointment or I am meeting someone! Anyway I went down to the beach and watched people boogie boarding. There are lots of beaches here but I decided to go down to one that had me wander through the marina - nice.......never let it be said there aren't some very wealthy people in this town. The thing that amazes me at the beach is that the water is freezing and I mean Wellington harbour freezing and the majority of people still aren't wearing wetsuits! No way I am putting my little toshie in that pond - these people are craaaaaaazy. I am not sure but it also looks to me like there is quite a steep drop off once you enter the water so people don't go out that far either. Today's beach had lots of boogie boarders though and I have to say that the boogie boarding crowd were getting their monies worth .......... there were some big dumpers that would be the envy of the Island Bay crowd!!
My flatmate (actually they are called "roomates" here - everyone looks a little blank if I say "flatmate") and her boyfriend call Santa Cruz Santa Crazy - so true! The picture on the right leads to the boardwalk (pictured above) and the sign says "Danger - Live Track, No Trespassing". Note the dude on the track - well what you can't tell is he is the first among a family group wandering across the tracks. Underneath the bridge I am standing on is a hippie/druggie hangout. Mostly harmless - except when they are not. While I frequently walk the railway line between locations (no not this bridge.......but everyone does it - the hippies call it "Walking the Trail" - okay well several hippies saying "hi" to me said I was walking the trail) I avoid the drug hangouts, now that I know where they are.......for obvious reasons.
I took the pictures I've posted here a while back and thought it was time I actually put them up for people to see. There were many more people at the beach today and I was actually on the otherside of the lighthouse you can see in the top left photograph.
The things you can't tell are that at the end of the wharf on the Boardwalk and along the beaches there are "pods, gaggles, schools" or whatever you call groups of seals really close into shore - lovely to watch. Lots of seabirds too (squawking and pooing) and lots of people squealing with delight as they ride the rollar coasters et al - I sometimes go down to the Boardwalk just for the hell of hearing the delight and watching adults and children get beside themselves about being hurtled through time on various rides. It's kinda tacky but fun - I resist the typical fairground food.........and refuse to be too judgemental about those that don't. They are having a good time and I am not the one that has to put their kids to bed full of perservatives and coming off sugar highs.
I've also included a little shot of the entranceway to my humble digs and the cottage itself. There is so much you can't tell about the "collection" of boxes and jumble that stretches way back past the cottage itself. And of course what you see is where you get to once you have wound your way past the villa in front and the driveway - allso full of "hidden treasures". It provides a never ending source of entertainment as different things appear out of the boxes at regular intervals.
To the left is a shot of "Goldfish", who looks a little snotty in this shot but she is a lovely chatty little thing who is.......spoilt. Hates doors being closed, let's you know if you have inadvertantly let your bedroom door closed! Loves to come and sit on top of you in the night.....even if you are lying on your side. We have regular cuddles and she freqently falls asleep curled around my arm - 'tis very sweet.

Oneth again in the USA

It is the first of Sept here so this is the anniversary of my arriving in the USA! It seems like a long time ago that mum and I flew into San Fran, sat in Union Square eating half a panni each and enjoying the combined effects of jetlag and a glass of wine!
Last night we (my flatmate Margaretha and her very lovely boyfriend Zackery) "grilled" - that would be BBQ'ed - then went out and enjoyed serveral very fine cocktails at a local bar..........combined with some hefty debate on politics, academia and life in the USA. 'twas a lovely evening. Today I've been sitting in the sun chatting with someone new I have met (see I am meeting people) and generally having a good time.
Mid last week I got emailed about a job in San Jose (working for a Silicon Valley IT firm) and had a remarkably pleasant telephone interview with the recruiter. All prompted by a job I had applied for in March - they still had my resume and have some comms consulting roles. It's probably the most honest job interview I've ever experienced - the recruiter really wanted to nail down what I could do and how that could fit with what they need and she was happy to talk money.......candidly. Anyway going to meet next week and talk some more. It's a contract role and, yes, it's in comms.
This months been a bit of a tipping point in a whole bunch of ways - really deciding I need to start seriously thinking/looking for work (although I wasn't actively seeking the opportunity that seems to have drifted my way), meeting new and different people (yes I have been doing some "dating" hehehehee - I even surprise myself sometimes) and fixating on how best to fund this bike (well that's what works all about really). For the first time I have really started to see a picture of how my life here could roll out. I feel easier in the world and can feel my mind needing to stretch and expand more..........it's a tragic personality quirk that inevitably leads me to embark on "grand, time consuming, occassionally stressful.........but always entertaining" pathes.
Today I am most happy to be me!

One year on

It’s my Oneth or my W’onth (NZT)………depending on how you view the world. I have arrived in a new and wonderful place; unexpected, challenging, uncertain, new, fun and full of possibility. A year that began with drama and unexpected hurt, characterised by bad behaviour and dishonesty, ends in optimism, delight, genuine happiness, a commitment to honesty and trusting my instincts, underpinned by a deep desire to live out my own personal dreams. These are the things I am celebrating:
- having the courage to live the dream, my dream; it is more than I could ever have anticipated
- the privilege of family, here and in New Zealand; it’s not until you ask that you know how much you are loved
- the privilege of longstanding friendships and the discovery of new friends (here and in NZ)
- writing the book and being determined not to blink from the choice, even on those days I so desperately want to
- letting go of the “things”
- never letting the drama get in the way of my celebrating my mothers 70th in Vancouver, winning my greencard, getting my masters and turning 40 – 39 was a big year; it’s not easy to step around the past and honestly celebrate the immediate when your inclination is to dwell, particularly when you are struggling to make sense of your world. I did step past it…….thanks to my family and friends (old and new)
- knowing I am in the right place, doing the right thing and that my future is here
- strangely and delightfully giving up eating myself (minds out of the gutter)…….I have cuticles……..I no longer gnaw on my fingers…how strange, it is a habit I have had since I was 8 years old
It’s been a helluva year but I’ve no regrets - alright maybe that one girl from San Fran I didn’t email back - oh well in the scheme of life that’s not bad and in the scheme of the last year……more a chuckle than a tragedy.
One thing I would change (although no longer feel personal angst about) – that I’d had the energy, the courage and emotional fortitude to really celebrate and say my goodbyes to the friends I was leaving behind, in body if not spirit. I’ll catch-up with you all in the end and trust that the good people hang around anyway.
Drinks are on me……..it’s a cheap round and expires in 24hrs (just as well – have you ever enjoyed one of my family get togethers………..nothing cheap about that!).

Sorry Telecom.......

Wow - if I was a Telecom shareholder I'd be pissed.........bet the new CE and his cronies get more than that in bonuses this financial year! It's but a drop in the bucket for the big boys. Go Shareholders association I say.
I've been following cave man as it's coincided with this...........these are the things that "entertain" my little populist, mainstream media self!

You have to wonder

The US Army is offering a "quick ship" bonus of $20k if new recruits will go to basic training within days of being accepted, rather than wait six months! The scary part is the recruiting targets are obviously really aggressive - one assumes that the "quick ship" then translates to quickly outta here and off to Iraq and Afganistan. I expect the next scandal will be "substandard recruits graduate basic training".
I have had a somewhat fruitless week - not really concentrating on much. Did go for a couple of nice walks with two woman I have met. One ending in a cafe on the beach where there was a group of about 20 ukulele players having a blast singing and strumming away. It felt all very "tropical island holidayish".
I've been looking into bike gear as well. Now well I don't consider that I am anything other than average height and hands and feet the appropriate size, motorcyle boot manufacturers have a different view. Karen and Brice has some excellent advice about this stuff as they have been touring for 20 years...........no wet feet for them nor clothing that isn't waterproof, and they've tested it in some conditions I hope never to find myself in. Obviously boots are really important but there are limited ranges in women's sizes and mine in particular! Also there's a difference between a riders boot (ie you're up front) and a passengers boot. Mostly about additional padding for gear changing. It looks like I am going to have to go for a BMW boot - label queen to the end I guess as the other better brands don't have my size and Karen and Brice assure me they have never had wet or cold feet! With my gimpy foot I can't really afford to have it get cold........and it is the one I change gears with. I have also resigned myself to the fact I will have to get my riding gear custom made - no way am I going to find anything off the shelf. Investigatings fun and the only thing I really need for the bike course in October are the boots. I could wear other boots but figure I have to get them anyway. Any excuse really.
Initial round of responses from publishers is good - more to come (I hope).
Much thinking and investigating going on around work (nothing re. FA job) as I watch the bank balance quietly bleed itself dry.

Vegemite and cheese sandwich

Happy happy happy, joy joy joy..............I miss sausage rolls too...........I don't care if it makes me a peasant.........you come live on the other side of the world and can't find any of your comfort food!

Back from San Fran

Had a lovely time and really enjoyed meeting Robyn. Was somewhat shocked to discover that her and H have been together for two years and this is really the first time I have actually sat down and been able to chat to Robyn.......met her first at the website launch and then the lesbian ball in Auckland, neither of which provided much room to get to know one another - oh and she did remind me (without judgement) that I had also met her once when I was terribly hungover (does that sound like me.........alright not so much these days, did make me cringe a little though, personal angst nothing more). I guess I have been gone nearly a year so didn't get that much opportunity to meet her before. It was lovely to chat in an animated, rapid fire kiwi way. We wandered around the shops abit and went to MOMA - which wasn't that great as they didn't really have much on show and nothing particularly interactive. Still there were some nice gems including this. When you stand in the centre of the beam of light it's like you are cut off and disembodied heads and shoulders float through the light.......very cool.

Now this was very interesting.....well known, not that I knew it. "Indigo Blue" has around 18,000 items of blue cotton work clothing, folded and stacked on a "floating" steel platform.
At one end of the platform there is an old wood table and chair. A volunteer sits silently at the table, erasing pages of a book: "International Law Situations," a Naval War College publication pertaining to legally defined land and water boundaries. Originally completed in Charleston's if you are interested you can read more here. Just the sought of thing that appeals to me!

The Jazz bar proved to be a winner. We had a quick meal before then qued to get in - just as well we had tickets it was sold out. Robyn pointed out that the set up reminded her of NY, I thought so too. As we qued we could see them setting up the seating and tables (there was an early 7pm show, we went at 10pm). They have these tiny little round tables that you sit at, order a drink and the show gets underway. The woman at the door liked our accents so we got to sit at the front. A woman in the que took a shine to Robyn, which was very cute...........although Robyn was casually indifferent I have to say. Anyway Kim Nalley sang for around an hour and a half and was fantastic. Very engaged with the audience and told a little of Nina Simones history. I'd go back but think you need to pick the performance as the performance is the focus, so you have to be in to it.

Other than that at 6pm I found out my bus was fully booked so went back to the hotel I'd stayed in (which also proved to be an excellent choice, right near Union Square, clean and safe......combined with cheap). Nice man (I think he was Malaysian - I couldn't quite pick his accent but he was very friendly) at the desk remembered me, noted that New Zealand was where Lord of the Rings was made and gaven me a discount on a discounted room and one away from the traffic. All very nice. Caught the 630am bus back to Santa Cruz. Speaking of Greyhound, if you do come to the US and feel inclined to bus between cities (it is very cheap) it will be a "cultural experience". I've seen and heard the oddest people while busing! The worst part is the really really awful bus stations - guess that's why it's cheap.

San Francisco

I'm feeling like a blogging fiend this week, but have realised I'm not actually saying much about what I am doing. Well, happily, I am off to San Fran for an overnight stay on Saturday. Helen's g/f, Robyn, is in town for one night and I am to be the entertainment. Well she's probably more than able to entertain herself, so she's really my entertainment and a little touch of NZ! She wants to go and see some gallery's which is easy and is interested in Jazz. I've done a bit of hunting and booked us into Jazz at Pearls, which is described as a Jazz Club - no jeans or baseball caps allowed (that's what they say so I hope it is true). Best thing is on the night we are going Kim Nalley sings Nina Simone. Nope I don't know who Kim is............apart from the fact that she is described as "a winner of the prestigious "10 Most Influential African-Americans in the Bay Area" award, and this show is a must and a rare tribute." I've decided to trust the critics. I do know who Nina Simone is. Anyway it's all just a bit of a punt....if it's bad I won't be alone and if it's good all the better.
I'm off to sit my drivers license written test this week so that I can book a practical. Glad I read the road code; got some different rules here. I've also been looking at a possible rental for Michelle when she gets back from NZ ('tis very cute, I like it alot).
Funnier yet I have been doing some "email networking" and chatting to a woman in Maine who works at a Carnival. I am now so much better informed about the life of a "Carnie" than I could ever have imagined. I really do like this chatting to complete strangers; why do you suppose I never felt able to do it in NZ? Don't answer - I already figured it out for myself........I already figured out a lot of things about who I wasn't being in NZ! There is something remarkably nice about arriving somewhere with no history and arriving in such a big arse place so that if ever I create a history I want to escape I can just move on!

Gramarphiles

And spelling........"Eats, shoots and Leaves". I know I know I know. There are spelling mistakes and gramatical errors in abundance in the blog - you are mostly too polite to say. I am, as we know, neither a grammar nazi nor a spelling freak.........it's a wonder I ever got employed as a consultant........let alone keep readers here where the spelling and grammar is all to hell. Shut up about the grama and the spellink - well mostly you do. I can hear you even if you don't say it. Mostly when I post I don't care to edit that much. That's the point; the first thing I write is close to the last thing you get. Sometimes I read back and cringe too. But really, when I chatted to you face to face I didn't always get it right then either...........it's free flowing. Sometimes it is enthusiasm, I am thinking faster than my fingers can type.......that's just dumb. For the book I take more care (and I have my little grammar Nazi but a breath away)........that's the point........for the things where, really, it might matter.......I take more care. I love being able to write when there is no book deal pending.....no academic qudos to be gained......no one to care, but me. But then really I want a book deal and academic something.........so that's not all quite true either!

Iraq for beginners

I found this quite interesting. It's called "A Fight for Iraq: A Regional Power Play". Put together by MSNBC it's a relatively short piece on the geopolitical drivers behind Iraq. It explains Iraq itself and then looks at the countries around it. It's not long but if you've got an interest in understanding what's going on in the region it's worth a look. I know it's simplistic and perhaps people more in the know could pick holes - still I thought it was good.......or maybe I just haven't been paying attention and all this is old news to everyone else (quite possible!). It's not about the US at all, and only briefly, towards the end trys to explain why it's difficult for the US to pull out.

Random distractions

I've been playing around with creating a may of My USA. I've put a permanent link on the side but what it displays is all the places I have visited..........visited being a lose term. I have passed through more but have chosen places I have either stayed overnight or spent a reasonable day sightseeing eg Chicago. It's a work in progress and those in the know won't be surprised that much of my US experience to date reflects where K & B have lived! Still there are some "self generated" locations and when I get the bike I'll be able to add even more!
These are the things you can do when you are an unemployed writer!

The day of reckoning

I've been given the nod........it's time to throw the dice and discover if anyone will publish this book. Draft chapters to be sent by the end of the week, several more to be withheld. It's a winner or a loser, to be published or not. More may be required to convince. I'm ready - complete defeat, I hope not............for the first time NZAlien and My Book find a meeting ground. Let's hope or believe both will briefly merge. I seldom accept defeat in the first round....unless I see it as something not worth fighting for. Games on.

Social networking

Well I just don't remember being this confused in NZ.....maybe I didn't care.......but here there are multiple channels for connecting on line. Three quick and easy ones, blogging (clearly my medium of choice), face book........and MySpace. Right then, I chose the blog so that everyone I already knew could keep up with what I was doing. It never occured to me that anyone I didn't know might want to keep up with what I was THINKING..........But apparently it's big here. I've been asked several times if I have a MySpace page. Ummmm no.....seems weird to me. I suppose in someways the blog is the same, except those of you that are reading don't identify yourselves to one another. Well it's all about me - I'm fine with that. I haven't bothered to do enough research on MySpace vs Facebook (secretly thinking it's all in the marketing anyway). I kinda like the bloggers I find - I've surfed into a few MySpace pages and never really thought about Facebook. I guess if I wasn't a blogger (who chose a host who makes it too scary for most to comment) you could all now race in with your opinions. Oh the host I chose wasn't intentional by the way, it was just the first host I came across when I thought having a blog was a good idea - see you all think I am much sneakier than I am sometimes. Anyway I guess that's the difference. Blogging is a little "one way", unless you take the big leap offered by Blogger. Although I could, like the other sites, make my blog private - but then that wouldn't seem to be in the spirit of the thing (at least for me). And I invited some people to read it who may or may not be actively taking up the offer - it would seem rude to now push you away - even if we no longer have contact and I don't have your email address (and you don't have mine). Actually when I reflect on it I think I like just putting up what I think. It's all about me me me...........those of you with my email address let me know what you think (okay sometimes some of you are too polite). Those of you without have to leap into cyber space with me to let me know - few have and that's okay too. Some of you are among the "secret readers" - I've got a counter, I know you are out there. Actually I put the counter on when I went throuh a moment of insecurity many months ago - thinking that no one cared anyway so I'd just stop blogging entirely. The numbers kept going up, I felt gratified, ego satisfied (I really don't care to know everyone that might be reading - unless you think it's important - I just cared that someone was reading and it might be the same small group checking in..........I just cared someone was reading and I wasn't just talking to myself - I now have my book blog for that) so I've kept going. I like that my family read it and I find it hugely funny and ironic that the friends (and family too) probably know more about my life on a daily/weekly basis through the blog than they ever did when I was in NZ. That's my random thought for the day. If you are bored with me go to the header and click on the "next blog" and see what other people are thinking.........avoid the porn (or enjoy it if you have a mind), check the photos on the pages you can't read because they aren't in english (unless I have secret bilingual readers.......that's a nice thought, but I don't think my blog is nearly interesting enough to hold the interest of "random stranger"). Sometimes the "next blog" is good, that's how I found Odd Spot - I've found others too, keep clicking.......there's a whole other world out there!

In sum

Today I took up the somewhat dubious, but no less entertaining, opportunity to summarise my life since Office Cadet School. The class is putting together a DVD of photos etc etc. It's fascinating to see what everyones been doing and how we've variously transformed from 21 years ago! In the spirit of total transparency this is how I described the last 21 years of my life:
"After graduation and two somewhat dull years as a Transport and Catering Troop Commander I left the Army in 1989 and went to Victoria University of Wellington. After completing a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and Women’s Studies I spent time working as a community newspaper journalist and wondering what to do next! Through a series of events I re-enlisted in the Army in February 1994, as a Specialist Officer in public information. I spent six months as the Assistant Public Information Officer (Army) – working for Bernie’s father, George. Then through an even more bazaar series of events I deployed to Bosnia-Herzegovina as the Public Relations Officer for the First New Force to deploy as part of UNPROFOR. Eight months later I arrived back in New Zealand having grown up a lot and generally looking for something new to do. I went back to my role as Assistant Public Information Officer (Army) and left the Army, again, in 1996 to take up a role in Treasury as the Assistant Director Communications, where I was involved in selling airports and the like. Was then head hunted into the Communications Director role at the then Ministry of Commerce, which we subsequently transformed into the Ministry of Economic Development. Somewhere in there I completed a Post Graduate Diploma in Business Administration.
I leapt out of the public sector and into Fletcher Challenge in Auckland as the Communications Manager for Fletcher Building, just as they were pulling Fletchers apart. Ultimately joined the ranks of the redundant and got employed as a Communications Consultant for Sweeny Vesty in Auckland. Got lured, somewhat foolishly, from there into Fonterra and, with some relief got made redundant. I returned to Wellington, set myself up in my own consultancy while I completed a Masters in Diplomacy and Trade from Monash University in Australia.
Ultimately my dream has been to come and live and work in the USA so I entered the green card lottery and got selected. Arriving in the USA in September 2006 I lived on a Ranch in New Mexico for seven months and now reside in California. I have an online military museum dedicated to women who have served (www.bracketsw.com) and I am planning to buy a touring motorcycle by the end of the year. Currently I am writing a book and wondering what to do next. To say I am a restless soul would be an understatement! Along the way I have travelled a lot, drunk a lot, eaten well and fallen in and out of relationships. Right now happily single and content to keep it that way."
Okay to be fair it naturally has a professional focus. Still it more than amused me to think about what I had done over this time. Can't say I've dwelled long anywhere and those of you reading, who were involved in various phases, could add your own colourful potraits I'm sure! Nice to have a sense of no regrets - that in itself would seem to be an achievement worth celebrating.

Forgiving Dr Mengele

I watched this movie last night. It "...tells the story of a shocking act of forgiveness by Auschwitz survivor Eva Mozes Kor and the firestorm of criticism it has provoked.....
Eva and her twin sister, Miriam, were victims of Nazi doctor Josef Mengele's cruel genetic experiments--an experience that would haunt them their entire lives." Eva is an amazing woman and the movie provides an unexpected insight into the ongoing challenges Jewish people face around how to acknowledge the truth of what happened while still needing and wanting to move their lives forward.
Nazi Germany and the Concentration camps have always held a particular interest (that word seems a bit lame given the magnitude of what happened) for me. When I was eight or nine I watched the WWII documentary that was among the first to show exactly what happened. It had some very graphic footage and it stayed with me - probably a good reason why it was on at 11pm at night! Then in the third form as part of Social Studies we studied the Nazi's. None of the other classes did and given I was, at the time, in the less than stellar academic class, it surprised me that we did. Perhaps that is what has driven my ongoing fascination with war, things military and people's experience of both!

Road trip'n day 3

This the final chapter.........landed at 10.30pm and managed to choose a good place to stay for the last night as well (whew). Oddly more expensive than the first one but more like a "motel" - first is best! Feeling like a little sweaty sow - 4am to 11pm, including walking several miles in very humid conditions, does take it's toll - had a quick shower, accepted there was nothing to eat (or more correctly nothing I was prepared to eat), guzzled a little warm water, sat back to relax. Feeling wired so watched the Food Channel (I really do like those competitions....sorry Tee for all that mocking a while back). Woke up earlish and headed for my bus. Oh yes that is when it got a little complicated. Some concert or other was happening in San Jose so my 35min walk turned into over an hour 10 while I tried to figure out how to get around the road blocks! Finally made the station and waited for the bus. You know one thing I got out of the whole trip was how very very differently people treated me when I was wearing a business suit versus my casual option. Those that would talk to anyone still do...........those that have how you look matter....didn't. I had some of the oddest interactions with men - honestly. Randomly at the airport, when wearing the suit (okay and makeup, it's a job interview to be an FA and I kinda like the whole deal).......men chatted to me! Really in the scheme of things men never do chat to me unless I invite it. Perhaps that's the real change, these days I just welcome any random stranger chatting - even the very odd - it makes for a much more interesting world and as long as I am surrounded by other people offers no real danger to my well being! Anyway that aside, lovely to be home, see flattie and Goldfish and be in my wee bed again. Oh and here's one of those random coincidences - the little silver "bean" in the previous post - one of the flatties friends who came over yesterday was working in Chicago when it was made. She had an office looking over the Park and watched them construct the framework......then just as it was to be finished "they" put covers all around it so no one would know how they got it to look the way it does! No matter the outcome I feel like I've had quite a grand adventure and made the most of the whole deal!

Road trip'n day 2

Got up at 4am after a not very good sleep - always hard to sleep when you have to get up that early. Anyway at the airport 5amish. WOW place was packed. Glad I got there when I did. Delightlfully found myself sitting in the exit aisle so had ridiculous amounts of leg room. Ened up sitting next to a United staffer (risk analyst) and had a nice time talking to her. Predicatably fell asleep for around 2hrs of the four hour flight. Spent the rest of the time reading Harry Potter. Took a taxi from the airport to town. Chicago architecture is amazing but the traffic was terrible. And I didn't know that there is this very fab waterway complete with "draw bridges". Anway went to the interview......all of half an hour......it's a screening interview so won't know for a while. Seemed fine and the interviewer was very nice. They are hiring several 100 FAs. Guess I'll just wait and see. Money is well less than fab.......still I'll just roll with it for now and see what happens. Of course such a short interview left me with several hours to fill in before flying back. Asked some guy on the street if he was from Chicago and what could I do for a couple of hours. I was wearing a business suit so am fairly confident he didn't think I was a hooker. He recommended I hop on a yellow water taxi and cruise down the river for 2 bucks....so I did. Got chatting with a woman who recommended I get off at the Maganificient Mile. It's the shopping mecca for chicago - easy to ignore the shops but the garden display was quiet fantastic. Walked down to the water works which, so the story goes, was one of the very few buildings that survived the Great Fire in 1871 - people used it as one of the few landmarks to try and find their homes. Taxi woman also mentioned the Millenium Park so having tramped the mile I walked to the park. Now that was very cool with some great artworks. The Kapoor Sculpture was particularly interesting and had dozens of kids flocking around it.

Flew out of Chicago at 8pm and got back to San Jose around 1030. Long day but I did enjoy myself!

Road trip'n day 1

Okay because my life is so deadly exciting……and I have time to kill (in a hotel in San Jose) I thought I would take everyone on my little journey to Chicago.
Started with realising I needed to book accommodation either side of the interview day (Wednesday) because I was flying out on a 6am flight and not back until 10pm same night…….no public transport. So dutifully booked on-line, checking prices and hotel reviews (bed bugs not required).
Day 1 going to San Jose from Santa Cruz. Nice start. I thought I would get the Greyhound bus but the very nice man at the counter said that if I walked across the road the Highway 17 bus left in half an hour (as opposed to an hour) and only cost 4 bucks (not a hard choice). Of course that meant I didn’t actually know exactly where the bus would stop in San Jose (only an hour away) relative to my hotel (not paying for a cab if I can walk)……………oh well, train station – can’t be that difficult.
Next delightful moment – got off the bus, checked with someone in the train station, started walking in the direction of my hotel and ta dah – it was literally 5mins away. People very very nice, check into GIANT room with jacuzzi, telly……..all three of which I don’t have at home, free wireless (well that’s pretty standard most everywhere here) and king size bed………next step wake up call 4am tomorrow…………..

Job interview and other stuff

So it's been an interesting week! I had the most fantastic breakthrough in writing, managing to peel off an entire chapter in a day. I've left it a few days and re.read it - I like it.
I've also been preparing for the FA job interview. I really do like the sound of the job and do get that it's not exactly an easy choice. Still I'll take the interview practice, test out the new me with a new view of the world. I've decided to let go of that "too many people and I'll die" view of the world I had. I just need new ways of getting downtime. I'm happy to let go of those little boxes I created around myself - it does open up a whole new set of possibilities. Of course flying out to the interview is a little complicated. It's a one day turn around trip and there is no shuttle service for the times I am flying, which means a night in San Jose either way. I've only ever driven through SJ and it doesn't look particularly interesting - they bill themselves as the only city in Silicon Valley.......as a consequence they seem to have turned downtown into a concret jungle - but I might be being uncharitable given I've never even walked down the main street. I'm on a 630am flight so needless to say I am staying close to the airport, although its not a very big city anyway.
Went out and had pizza and beer with a local woman I met here and we might be going hiking in the Santa Cruz hills at some stage. She has lived here for a while so is very much a local and knows alot about Santa Cruz. It's a bit like Nelson, it seems the money coming in is, in someways, changing the community and not all for the good.
I pre.ordered Harry Potter so have been reading that. I've avoided any of the publicity about it so as not to ruin the story.
Best yet I've enrolled in a motorcycle safety course. They provide the bike and the helmet so that's good. It's not until October - I don't think there are any other classes before then as it is summer break here. It does give me time to do the written test and, finally, get my California drivers licence. When you move into a state you always need to get a licence for that state (not that I have one at all) so it's about time I got my act together. Not thinking about buying a car at all.........very committed to the bike as I'd like to do the touring thing and maybe join a club of some sort. Nice to meet people with like minded interests. Brice has pointed out that the Harley's come with a ready made family - that's quite achieveable but, as I said to him, I'm worried about how often they breakdown. I have not a mechanical bone in my body and being stranded in the middle of nowhere (okay probably with access to a tow truck) doesn't hold much appeal. Not sure I am a harley girl anyway but have been looking at this. No not in white before you ask and I would get it fully kitted with windshield and saddle bags. It's very affordable and I don't look like a midget on wheels........yes my feet can sit flat on the ground. It's classed as a "starter bike" and seems to be one lots of woman get. Read a review from a woman who was 5" and she was very enthusiastic saying once she got more confident the weight isn't a problem at all..........these things are important if one isn't to be seen dropping the damn thing.......as one woman said she did - but she had forgotten to put her feet down at the lights. Apparently not as rare as you might think, for men and woman.
Weather here is fantastically hot and endlessly sunny - no summer showers here to cool the afternoon.
Anyway one way or another it's going to be a big week!

dixie chicks - goodbye earl - musci video

Okay this has been a personal favourite for along time - if you are at all shocked you should stop reading the blog!

dixie chicks not ready to make nice

More You Tube - if you don't know the story behind this video.......find out!

Home again home again.....

I’m back in sunny SC having left sunny NM – honestly temperatures around 100. I have had such a wonderful 10 days. I really do love the ranch. The ranch is looking very green, saw lots of hummingbirds (fascinating little birdies), one very large pink snake (eeeeow), prairie dogs and the unsual assortment of other beasts. Was back in my little yellow house and Renee and Kate had put flowers in a vase and food in the fridge! Peter’s 80th was sweet. Just a couple of hours at his house and I got such a lovely welcome from him. It was on the 4th of July so I spent the day with the Burn’s family. After Peter’s we went to the rodeo. I’ve never been to one before. This was a kids competition and I was shamed at how tiny some of them were on those big horses – horse riding not being my favourite thing!! Went back to the ranch for dinner with the Burn’s (Renee’s parents came too) then we headed to the shooting range to have fireworks. Great fun. Eddie and Renee’s kids (3 in total) are great and (unlike home) we actually held some of the fireworks in our hands while we set them off. Even having competitions to see who could hit the targets – very Harry Potter like.
Spent the next few days working with Renee and generally hurtling around on the four wheeler. Karen and Brice arrived home on Sunday and it was just great to see them!!!! They are both tired and working hard but full of life. Brice took me into Sante Fe on their motorcycle – very beautiful BMW touring beast. I looked at bikes and talked to B a lot about what would be good, would work for me etc etc………I think I’ve chosen one so now have to get both my car and bike licence.
…..I’ve also got a job interview………you know how life is sometimes planned, carefully put together and rolls out in stages…….well this isn’t like that! I got this idea in my head that being a flight attendant might be fun, flying around, seeing the world. Well United are doing a big recruitment drive so I completed an online questionnaire, now I’m off to Chicago for a half day interview later this month. Apparently it’s just cheaper to fly everyone to them. They don’t actually know that much about me as the questionnaire was more about ethics and values than anything else. While I still maintain I am only slightly below average height (averages smaverages) I do just sneak in at being able to reach up to 82inches. Anyway the whole things a riot, I am feeling strangely competitive about it and compelled to give it a go. Does anyone else think it hilarious that the only interview I’ve actually been invited to is in something I have no background in? This is, of course, all part of the grand adventure – if it’s meant to come together and be the thing I do it will, if not, mov’n on to something else. Oh it’s also a little like being in the Army – at the end of the six week training I could end up anywhere as you are “posted” to the airport you will be based out of!

El Rancho

I am heading off to the ranch next week for 10 days. It is Peter's 80th on the 4th so I am really looking forward to seeing everyone. I'm staying on longer as K&B are away and won't be back for the first week and I'd like to see them - it's not like I have a job here! I'll write while I'm there (maybe do some chores too) and start to finalise stuff to send to the publishers.........now that will be a big turning point. I'm going to stay in the yellow house so it's all very familiar. Given it's now summer there won't be any snow but it is hot. It will be lovely to walk the dogs again - sadly Khanie died a few weeks ago - she'd had a really long life given her breed but it made me a little sad, she had such a lovely temperament.
Having spent a good day writing on Thursday I went down to the beach on Friday. It's very close to where I live and the weather has been fantastic. I am sporting a very healthy tan. I wasn't at all tempted to go swimming though - the water is freezing. Generally I'm feeling pretty laid back, although starting to have twinges of nervousness about the publishers! I guess this just proves I haven't gone completely off the rails..........given it's almost a year since I worked.
I've also been thinking about what happens after the book. I'm 100% committed to staying in the US so that part is easy. I've got some ideas and expect life will roll out as it's meant too - with a little shove or two from me of course.
My flatmates finished University for the year so we have spent a bit more time together. It's been nice getting to know her and, because she is an artist and writer (poetry I think), she is very supportive of the writing process. Oh she also proved to be very useful when, despite my best efforts, I simply couldn't get an automated voice machine to understand my accent! I was trying to change flights and had to call. Everything was voice activated and I couldn't even get the machine to understand my name and there's no way to by-pass (I've had that problem before and last time K helped!) so I got Margaretha to talk me through until I could actually speak to a person. I need to work on my American accent.
I've started to meet a few more people, including a Bosnian woman........we have been talking about the war - I had even driven through the small town she lived in, although she wasn't actually in Bosnia when the war started. It's been interesting to hear about how she felt about the war and peacekeepers. Funny coincidence to have met her at this stage.

My personal fav

P!nk - Dear Mr. President Offical Video.
Can anyone tell that I am busy surfing You Tube!

On the campaign trail

Anyone got a crush on Helen C or John K then?

Bereft

Okay not quite. Michelle and Ruth are back in NZ. We have had a fantastic two weeks. It really was lots of fun to have the three of us celebrating and we were easy travelling companions. Went off to the only queer nightclub last Saturday.......it was someone's 30th and, well, the place just rocked. In the interests of being my "new self" I even had a dance or two. We ended up walking home in the small hours - not so bad for me as I was the first house on the list. We also went down to the Boardwalk by the sea and had a ride on the roller coasters and went to a restaurant on the wharf. All very nice. Michelle drove us up into the Santa Cruz Mountains (which are full of red wood trees, I think, big and tall anyway) for a wine tasting on Sunday. Very pleasant it was. Went to one vineyard and they had a special tasting of their award winning Pinot Noir - yummy and unexpected. For the last night we got Michelle's flattie and all went off to the local wine bar I went to on my first night. It was fun and there was lots of laughter.
I am just trying to organise going to the Ranch for Peter's birthday on the 4th of July. It's his 80th and, like all birthdays, they only come around once so I really want to go. It will be lovely to see everyone at the Ranch too. K & B won't be there on the day but will be back on the ranch on the 5th, so I'll stay on a few days and catch up with them too.
It's a hard life being me!

Three cheers for Dr E!

We've spent the last week celebrating Michelle getting her Phd.........she is now officially a Dr of Philosophy. Because we can't do these things by half we started in Las Vagas. M and I got to LV on Monday afternoon and Ruth arrived about two hours later. It was lovely to see her! We all shared a room (M kindly provided the earplugs but somehow we all managed). During the day we lounged by the pool (complete with buckets of beer). There are five or six pools in the MGM and one of them is set up like a winding river - complete with current. Temperatures got as high as 100F so it was hot as but lovely to sit in the shade. During the evenings we wandered around looking at the lights etc etc etc, including going out for at least two fantastic dinners. Did some gambling, not much, but I did manage to make $100 off $2 from the pokie machine - we weren't really big on the gambling thing.

Got back to SC on Thursday and went to M's graduation ceremony on Friday. It was fab - laid out on sportsfields you look out to the sea. Not a lot of ceremony to it - laid back and very personal as there are so few graduating with Phds. No national anthem either - sound track from the opening credits to paramount (or Warner) movies and star wars while faculty and graduates parade through the seating. Aftwards we went back to Ms where she had a few friends over, sat around, ate mexican food and generally toasted the day. M also had a "Pricess Cake" specially dressed just for her.

It's none of my business but...

I'm sitting in a cafe, writing, it's what the students do here - free internet and probably nicer than most of the houses they live in (mine too) - not the point. I’ve just overheard someone in a café commenting that “maybe it’s un-American not to care” – she is joking and I don’t know what she was talking about but it’s a testament to the power of US culture. Have you ever heard a kiwi say it would be un-kiwi or “unpatriotic” to do or say anything?

Gay Pride

On Sunday Michelle and I headed off to the gay pride march and festivities. It was a fab day. Predictably the boys really did turn out in the most fantastic outfits. Athough I did think Obama might have been amused to see his name on the butt of one of the roller girls!
Being Santa Cruz all shapes, sizes and political persuasions were represented. Dykes on Bikes lead the parade (of course, somethings stay the same no matter where you are) and we both loved the Latino dancers - a rare sight M tells me. We stood across from the only gay bar in SC (at least they have one) so
we not only got to watch the parade but the crowd as well. My favourte character of all (and she wasn't in the parade) had to be the Paris Hilton girl.........do you think it's rude to take photos of random people? In case it's not immediately obvious, that is a little dog in her purse. After the parade we wandered into the park where there were a whole bunch of tents selling stuff and promoting various political activities. There was a stage and a series of live performances as well. The SF Cheerleaders (boys and girls) were a hit as they tossed people in the air and generally showed disgusting amounts of energy given the heat of the day. The park was alcohol and smoke free so it was very laid back. I checked it out and SC is about the size of Nelson and probably has a similar type of community - although the University adds a dimension that Nelson doesn't have. Aging hippies sit easily with the more youthful variety. There's also a big mixture of homeless people with quite a large chunk in their late teens or early twenties. Mostly they are pleasant enough and it all just comes with the territory.
Monday we head to LV for the long anticipated trip. Ruth is flying in from NZ and it will be really nice to see her. She's coming back to SC for Michelle's grad as well (although she's been here before). Then her and M head back to NZ.
I'm still enjoying the writing and have had my "first reading" - which has given me some really useful feedback and I seem to be on the right track. I might actually pull this whole thing off! No idea what I will do once the book is done, I guess it will become clear and I am surprisingly nonplussed about it. It could be this lack of a job (and all the stress that goes with it) suits me. Mostly it's had me realise just how exhausted I was when I arrived in the US. I really was at the end of my energy and in desperate need of down time. I am "a pig in muck" - on ocassion I pop out of the pen (or the cave), look around, sniff the air then head right back in again...........I think I'll just follow my instincts for now and see where theylead me!

Ticking along

So "we" have handed on "our" phd - although only one of us actually wrote it and will be called a Doctor at the end. Oh well I guess you don't just get handed these things for being a good person, apparently it does require a little more effort. Mostly being with M is what the last few weeks have been all about. We had a little party on Friday with the two of us and her flattie, Judith, to celebrate. Judith runs her own business doing "body work" - I can tell you all the things its not (massage, chiropractic etc) but maybe not what it is. Since I left the ranch I've had a really painful shoulder. Kind of stiff and just not coming right. Went to Judith and wow - I am 100% better and it was the most gentle process ever. She's amazingly skilled and you almost don't realise anything is happening at all. Not quite but it certainly left me much more aware of just where I do have aches and pains (protecting that gimpy leg takes up a lot of my time so I almost forget the rest of me). I've also been writing too which has been very good. Aiming to get "something" to the publishers to look at in July..........then of course they have to say it's fab and we want you, sign a contract and.......then I need to finish writing the rest of it. Both M and the new flattie have convinced me that I shouldn't find work until Autumn and spend the summer writing. Now that hasn't been hard to agree to! On the countdown to LV and I am making sure to save all my quarters, being the high roller that I am. Now here's a movie worth seeing The War Tapes: Armed with minicams mounted on their gun turrets, helmets and dashboards, three National Guardsmen capture an unprecedented perspective of the Iraq war in this powerful documentary culled from more than 1,000 hours of footage. Deftly interlaced with harrowing film of ambushes, explosions and severed limbs are the soldiers' complex reactions to the conflict and interviews with the women they left behind.
I'd never heard of it but the flattie had so we got it via Netflix, which is this very cool system where you sign on and order DVDs on line, they are posted to you, no late fees and you send them back using a return envelop. You can also watch a heap of movies on line as well......... But back to WT - it really is quite startling to see how they all change during their 12 month deployment. Quite graphic in places, gives you a real sense of what it must be like. It was filmed in 2004 - I bet they wouldn't let them do it now.

You know you've landed when.....

a. You go out and buy sheets, towels and sundry other items that make for a home
b. You not only remember your street address but your zip code as well
c. You boldly change your Amazon postal address, sure that you will still be here when the book arrives
d. You commit to buying a dryer for the flat (nothing else is yours, the flat really needs one and you need to start getting a credit rating) and your flat mate is delighted
e. The cat sleeps with you at least some of the night
f. You say things like "I'm heading home"
g. Your shelf in the fridge is full and you have your very own cupboard
h. You, who never does these things, has continued to put a little bunch of flowers, picked from the garden, on your dresser draw, just 'cos it looks nice
i. .............you really start to believe in a future, in this town, doing something you love

Viva Las Vegas and stuff

My second week in SC and I am happily settled in my new home. It could be life is just a series of coincidences but in the strangest twist of all it turns out my flattie (from here on in known as M) is doing her Masters in Fine Arts focusing on how new media facilitates everyone participating in the military – or something along those lines. We've only had a quick conversation but I couldn’t believe it given she didn’t know what my book was about; guess there’s a certain sense of serendipity. I’ve started a new blog too. It’s all about the process of writing the book. Really it’s my own rambling thoughts about some stuff so if you’re not into the writing thing best to ignore it. There’s a link on the right for those that care. I’ll keep going with nzalien focusing on “life in general”.
I’ve spent the last week supporting Michelle while she writes her Phd. Mostly just being here, getting her fed and generally reminding her that “this too shall pass”. I, of course, have a vested interest as we have booked ourselves on a cheapee deal to Las Vegas for three days/four nights staying at the MGM Grand on the strip to celebrate. We leave on 11 June through 14 June – yeeha. Neither of us are gamblers (except to sit at the pokies and get free drinks) but both like the spa thing. We’ve both been before so can skip some things and know what to expect. Day after we get back is Michelle’s actual graduation. Wow! Following week she heads back to NZ…….which also means she will be able to get some of the info I need for the book and post it back. ‘tis all falling into place.
I’m not going to look for anything resembling a job until after LV. I’m now riding around on Michelle’s bike – remember keep right look left. Toying with the idea of getting a motorbike as well. I expect this will complete my “mid-life crisis”. Not much point having a car in SC, buses are good and you can walk to most places but a bike would be good to get to some of the areas further out and, well, it just might be fun.

Happy daze

I have had a remarkable 48 hrs. First and most importantly - I have a home. I arrived to find a lovely note from my new flattie, a little bunch of flowers in my room and a very warm and friendly "goldfish" (ginger cat, who was happily lounging on my bed when I arrived). The cottage is small but sweet and Margaretha has lots of flowers and plants around. It's not at all flash but genuinely cosy with very lovely arty touches. My room will be a wonderful place to write and the house and the neighbourhood I live in mostly smells of roses and gypsophila with a mixture of truely rustic and highly cultivated gardens. The smells remind me of holidays in Central Otago and nana's house (which always smelt of some flower or another). It has also been incredibly warm here (around 23 but really humid).

The B&B I stayed in was full of people transitioning or changing their lives - or at least those were the ones I met. Everyone I chatted to was optimistic, full of enthusiasm for the day and all genuinely interested in each others success. I met a woman from NY who has spent years in marketing/sales/advertising and has come to SC to see if she wants to stay. Like me she has been on the move for several months and also doesn't want to go back to her corporate life. It's very inspiring to meet other people who have also stepped outside their comfort zone to discover new things. Even as people told their stories no one needed nor wanted to dwell on anything other that the optimism of their choices..........there's a book in there! Everyone was very enthusiastic about my book and I am going to start a data base of people (okay so I have two names) and invite them on the journey with me.........hopefully they will also want to read the book. I think too I will start a separate blog that is simply about the book.

The other big marker of the day is that we have sold all the houses. I have such a sense of relief. Managing things from afar and having to ask friends/family to do most of the leg work for me isn't ideal. Still I can't believe how my life has changed in the last 9 months and that I have arrived at this point; full of hope, optimism, excitment and possibility.

Reflections

It’s a strange world to be living in two places. Daily I am here, in SC, enjoying all the things it brings to me. Everything about being here is entirely manageable. I can walk the town – I like that – it is near the sea – I like that a lot – it is full of creative, eccentric, odd and genuinely engaging people – I remind myself to be present. Then I inhabit another world, the past. As I write I am thrown back in time. I am trying to capture not only the facts but the feeling - to convey something meaningful. I like writing. It has surprised me how much I like it. I am also surprisingly fearless in the things I say. I name people, some will be unhappy with how I describe my experience of them…….but it’s my experience. Some will disagree with how I remember things. Some will agree. But I don’t care – I’ve reached a point where I really don’t care. It is my story, as I would have it told. It’s not angry, mad, sad or bad. At least I don’t think it is – my “ghost editor” will keep me honest. When it is timely she will tell me if what I think I am doing is what I am actually doing.
What I think (and hope) is that it is genuinely interesting and thought provoking. At best it’s a good yarn, at better than best women who have served will read it and parts will resonate – that’s what I really care about – anything else is background. I have a single-minded determination to have this book published. I have only just realised that no other NZ women soldier (sailor nor air force personnel) has ever written their story. Why not?

Of first nights and wine flights

I have had the most amazingly wonderful week. The B&B, minus breakfast but with a kitchen we can cook in, is every bit as beautiful as promised. Lovely lovely lovely. I have really enjoyed cooking for myself again and the luxury of it all.
To celebrate just being here Michelle and I went to a local wine bar on my first night. They have this thing called a “wine flight” – we ended up drinking three glasses of the most amazingly surprisingly lovely wine from Slovenia and eating some very lovely snackeriles. It’s the most indulgent I’ve been since leaving el rancho – which was mostly indulgent.
Post that I’ve been looking for a place to live. I went and looked at the most lovely room – had everything I thought I wanted etc etc etc (with flatties – two guys). Then unexpectedly another place came up and I went to this cottage behind an old villa.- guy in front (landlord) just collects stuff……….I mean stuff………. it’s like Stepto and Son. But met this fab woman who is doing her masters at the University of SC (fine arts, digital media, I think she also does creative writing), has a ginger cat called Goldfish and it all just feels right. The room is much smaller than the first one I looked at, not glamorous, got a bed and a desk and some draws (really it matters in that order), no TV but wireless (Telecom should be shot) and cheap as chips in the scheme of things……….are we seeing a theme? I think it will be a very happy place to live so I’ve agreed to move in on Tuesday when my time at the B&B ends.
Michelle is also about 2 seconds from handing in her dissertation (after 8 years as a doctoral student it looks to me like the most torturous thing in the world to actually complete the writing process!). Given my own personal obsession and admiration for anyone that works hard and is focused on there dreams it’s a wonderful privilege to be here. In a bit of mutual support I walk over to Michelle’s every day (1 hour each way, although it will only be 20mins from the new place) we each work in our own worlds for a minimum of 4 hours. Of course the pay off for me is that it get to see more of her, hear about what she is writing and share some of my writing ideas too. And of course we just get to chat at the end. Sometimes I write the book sometimes I don’t. It works. I am liking being in SC and it just seems to keep going “do the right thing the right thing happens”.

New beginnings - Chapter 4

Head off to Santa Cruz tomorrow - yay I am ready to go. As was pointed out to me Cable Court Hotel is one of those "tipping points". I've watched people come, go and stay. Apart from some of the long standing tenants (upwards of 10 years) this is a staging point for people. Some people arrive with no plan whatsoever and arn't even sure if they can pay the next weeks rent. It's the oddest thing when I think about what it must be like to find yourself "homeless" and arriving here, with no idea what happens next and no visible means of support. Some people, like me I guess, are clearly moving on to something - even if we don't know what it is. Last night I spoke to a guy from Romania who has arrived here with his wife, having won his greencard in the lottery. They've only been here three weeks so haven't got their greencard yet and yes, are about as nervous about it as I was - it's not really real until the card actually arrives. We had a nice chat about NZ and Romania and the weirdness of the US. They are looking for accommodation but not finding it easy. He was worried about his english not being very good - I thought it was very good myself but it's definitely tougher if english is your second language. The whole immigration thing is big here - although San Fran calls itself a "sanctuary city" and refuses to allow it's officials to co-operate with the immigration service in raiding neighbourhoods, which they have started doing. It's an ugly situation as you have parents who are illegals but their children are US citizens - can't see any sign that there's anything like a descent policy approach emerging - in some cases the parents are gone and the kids end up with family or friends!
On the housing front I'm going to meet with some people on Wednesday who have a room for subletting for eight months starting 1 June. They sound like very cool people (well based on the email exchange). Older and, I think, at least two of them are European, not sure about the third. What makes it nice is the room I am looking at has a bathroom attached - I like that. We'll see and I guess I'll have to go through the dreaded "are you queer friendly" conversation - some of the ads for people actually say it out right. I'd be surprised if they're not but if it doesn't become obvious I guess I'll have to ask.........

ANZAC Day and writing books

No dawn service for me this year so I hunted around to see if there was anything happening in SF for ANZAC Day. Yup, about 2 minutes up the road at Grace Cathedral. It was lovely. There were around 150/200 people there. Mostly Aussies and Kiwis but some Americans too. They even had poppies to give away. Real highlight had to be the Australian Girls Choir singing the NZ National Athem in english and Maori! We also sang the American National Athem - which is a first for me and had a bugler do the Last Post. It was very strange to be surrounded by NZ/Aussie accents.

I'm not a big church goer (ie never go.......except as a tourist) but Grace Cathedral is a SF icon. People of all backgrounds are welcome and they conduct same-sex "unions" (best not use the M word). It also has an AIDs interfaith chapel that includes an alterpiece created by Keith Haring weeks before he died of AIDs. It's also where I walked the Labyrinth. Which, to be honest, I didn't know much about until I picked up the flyer inside the church. Very interesting history and the Cathedral has a project focused on introducing people to the philosophies behind the labyrinth.
More chirpy news - 3 publishers have come back and said they are interested in the book! I so forgot how small NZ is as I hadn't expected to get responses from my email so quickly. At least 2 are interested in seeing a manuscript.....now. A tad early but one is happy to see a sample chapter sooner rather than later. Wow - I'm taking it as a sign that as I start to do the right things the right things start to happen. Now I just need a place to live and some form of income (I have some ideas for that........not including wearing a suit).

I leave here for Santa Cruz on the 30th. I have indulged a bit and booked myself into a lovely little B&B for my first week. It's very very self indulgent and does mean I really do need to focus on getting a sublet for the summer. I haven't been spending much money in SF (doing all the free stuff) so this is my reward. I have a wonderful sense of new beginnings.

Cruz'n

End of the month and I am off to sunny Santa Cruz. Just back from a weekend with Michelle, seeing the Cowboy Junkies and doing "inside Santa Cruz". Sealed the deal really. It's a vibrant friendly little town. A mixture of old hippie, laid back muso and activist students. It has a real sense of creativity about it. Job opportunities vary. I am heading into summer so there a quite a few cheap sublets around for rent. Anyway I am wildly excited about the whole thing and the hotel I am in have agreed I can go at the end of the month (usually give 30 days notice) so it all falls into place. Michelle's also very kindly offered to come pick me up in a car so I don't have to go via Greyhound bus...........now that's a bonus. It's only 2.5hrs by bus and $13 but I have a few bags - this makes it all much easier. Am wildly excited by the whole thing. Michelle is around until mid June, and deeply emersed in finishing her Phd so although I will only get to see her occassionally it does mean I will have settled before she heads back to NZ.

Book writing is going well - I think. I have one chapter, the bones of another and am working through the introduction. It was obviously meant to be as the words just flow. Some days I think it's rubbish other days I like it. I am about to send out my first round of letters to publishers too. I am trying to get ahead with the writing so that if (ha!) they actually want to see a sample chapter, I have one.

I think we've all but finished selling houses (one to go unconditional) - should all be over within the next two months. It is, finally, starting to feel all very tidy and clean. Selling things off (including a lot of my personal belongings) has created this lovely empty space for me to do other things. In case any of you do wonder - I do feel very previlleged to be here right now and to have the space to pursue something entirely new. Could it be that I am actually about to give up Corporate life?..................well more importantly it appears I have!

Burning down the house

Not quite, but last night was very exciting as we had a fire alarm. Went off at around 9pm so not as bad as it could have been. Fortunately I am on the ground floor - about ten steps from the front door. Interesting to realise your life amounts to making sure you are dressed, grabbing your laptop, official documents, cellphone and wallet. People were pretty frecked out and I'm not convinced everyone left the buildings. Still fire engines arrived complete with two female firefighters! Cool! Nothing came of it.

I am reading this book. I haven't finished it yet but it is very interesting. It's the memoir of the Commanding General of Abu Ghraib. I came to the book with my own set of prejudices. As I read her story, as she tells it, I have tremendous admiration for her. While she demonstrated a failure of leadership – her soldiers staffed the prison but overall responsibility for the prison rested with the intelligence people – I don’t believe she either fostered, encouraged nor ever believed any of her soldiers would behave like this.
She was, in reality, responsible for setting up an entire prison system through Southern Iraq. A logistical nightmare and resulting in her being spread very thin with few resources. Early on she also had concerns about having military police personnel become prison wardens, recognising they didn’t have the skills. Still she was an A-typical soldier, committed to the mission and potentially not vocal enough about the real risks in the way the whole system was being set up.

She is mightily guilty of working hard on the wrong things and being out of touch. That, in my view, is not nearly the same as actively fostering nor encouraging the abuses that occurred. Equally too she takes ownership of this and, in quite a frontal way, challenges the systemic and gendered politics that had her singled out early on. While others, who had more decision making power than her were not. That may seem trite but she explains how she heard about the photographs and how her immediate boss behaved………..these are not things the media readily report but her dialogue is very compelling and at no point does she say she doesn’t have some accountability in the whole episode………….what she does introduce is an interesting and slightly reluctant view that gender played a huge part in how the system chose to manage her situation.
Things that never came out about Janis Karpinski are that she was a pioneer throughout her career including setting up and spending five years training women to work as part of the United Arab Emerites Armed Services. She was very much a believer in the system, although always recognised that being a women in the armed services made her different and experienced all the attendant abuses, both physical and emotional.
Nothing excuses what happened but I have always felt deeply disturbed that so few in the command structure were held accountable and I remain disturbed – Kaprinski’s paid the price but there is much more to this story yet to be told.
She does offer some candid insights into her entire 25 year military career as well – I am finding the style of the book (it has been written by a journalist, using her voice) very readable.

Rambling

In the interests of getting some real exercise and fresh air I decided to head off on my Golden Gate Park adventure, which the first time had lead me to the Presidio. GGP is closer to our idea of the gardens. All up it was 5 hours and about a 6mile or 10km round trip. I am always loathe to get on public transport and, to date, haven’t – I blame my mother and our trip to Vancouver! The gardens were lovely although not at all what I expected. They had all the usual things – ramshackle walk through the bush, coupled with a series of themed gardens (including NZ, which I didn’t wander into – I figured it wasn’t the best use of time as I kind’ve knew how that would look). Really the thing that struck me – the none gardener – was how NZ public gardens (and those we encountered in Canada) are really rather British.
Bay area residents are mightily proud of their gardens and they should be. The GGP is full of many lovely open spaces and rambling walks. I think perhaps though I have been unduly influenced, both by Wellingtons public gardens and Flis (who continues to be a talisman of what creating a dream garden could be). This has led me to a vision of gardens that consist of a series of “rooms”, boxed hedging and raised beds…………very Vita and Violet. It was just one of those cultural moments. Lovely in itself and wildly worth celebrating for the share difference of it all. Oh and I am such a cheap-ass too. It was a mere 5 bucks to get into the Japanese garden but I can go for free, three days a week, as long as I get there before 10am so kept my cash in my pocket.
I have been researching how to get my book published (like I have written it yet), started writing and devised, what I hope will be, a clever plan to get all the info I need out of the archived boxes I have stored in NZ. At one level I feel like I am spinning my wheels but then have a tremendous sense that patients, combined with commitment, will take me where I need to go……..in fact historically that always happens – when it suits the past can be a fine measure for the future!
Next weekend I go back to Santa Cruz to go to the Cowboy Junkies concert with Michelle. In my mind I have a vision of SC and it will be interesting to head back with a view to “this is about to become my home”. I’ve started looking at places to live. The University breaks for the summer soon so I am already seeing a whole lot of places looking to sublet – complete with furniture.
The singular best thing K & B have taught me about life in the US is if you are going to spend money on anything research, research, research. It is a lesson well learnt and now I have the benefit of Michelle’s local knowledge - I hope I end up somewhere nice and that has a dog.