Thanks to the "Guest Blogger" and the team pt1

It was somewhat surreal to finish the race and check in on the blog and see the updates.  Marcia did an awesome job of keeping the blog up to date throughout the race - I never doubted she would, but her charm is clear as I read what she wrote; her generosity huge.
This first blog update post race goes out to the team; I couldn't have done it without them.....I'm not kidding, I really couldn't.  The race was "unsupported" for the first 46 miles.  What that means is no aid stations, nothing just you and whatever support you can provide.  So three remarkable people made huge sacrifices to be there and had to suffer through 13hrs in the decorated "van" overnight.  They never failed to show up at the agreed checkpoints (or near enough to) and arrived other places.  I never really had a good sense of where they would be so much as being totally confident they would be there.  It's a weird thing to pop out of these stretches of dark "aloneness" and see these friendly faces all going "how you doing?", "what do you need?".  They couldn't have known it but I would look for all three faces, wanting reassurance that they were all fine, as much as needing my own well being taken care of.
What do you need? was the simplest and best question to ask.  I felt a personal obligation to participate, be able to articulate what it was I needed....as time wore on it became harder to know on one level and easier on another.  The van was full of "nutrition" and water and as time wore on my instincts kicked in.  Early on I simply forced myself to eat.....on a marathon I eat virtually nothing and on the one 50k I did not much more.  None of that gets you through 50 miles.  Irene had prepared an array of food, things we hoped would work for me on the day.  To complete a 50 miler you have to eat along the way, you have to fuel right from the get-go.  Once your body is depleted it's tremendously hard to catch up and the price your body pays is unreasonably, potentially damaging and threatens your ability to complete the race.  So I forced myself to eat bananas, melon, more bananas early on - on one level it was personally  heinous - I didn't want the food on another, satisfying to think I could get past myself and do what I knew had to be done.
At one point, after what felt like a particularly long stretch, long after the half marathon distance (13m) but a little before the 50k (31m), I pulled out a half banana from my vest that I had requested at the last checkpoint.  I couldn't quite bring myself to eat it at the checkpoint but knew the team were monitoring that I was prepared, willing, able and actually eating.  I could sense it in how they responded when/if I didn't eat with them.  I briefly looked at it and put it back in my vest, then imagined later in the race, losing energy, feeling unable to go on and thinking how I would let the team down and they might feel bad, that it was somehow their responsibility if I didn't have the energy to finish.  So I pulled it out again, peeled it and choked it down.  There, my job was done in that moment.  I'd taken one for the team!