One year on

It’s my Oneth or my W’onth (NZT)………depending on how you view the world. I have arrived in a new and wonderful place; unexpected, challenging, uncertain, new, fun and full of possibility. A year that began with drama and unexpected hurt, characterised by bad behaviour and dishonesty, ends in optimism, delight, genuine happiness, a commitment to honesty and trusting my instincts, underpinned by a deep desire to live out my own personal dreams. These are the things I am celebrating:
- having the courage to live the dream, my dream; it is more than I could ever have anticipated
- the privilege of family, here and in New Zealand; it’s not until you ask that you know how much you are loved
- the privilege of longstanding friendships and the discovery of new friends (here and in NZ)
- writing the book and being determined not to blink from the choice, even on those days I so desperately want to
- letting go of the “things”
- never letting the drama get in the way of my celebrating my mothers 70th in Vancouver, winning my greencard, getting my masters and turning 40 – 39 was a big year; it’s not easy to step around the past and honestly celebrate the immediate when your inclination is to dwell, particularly when you are struggling to make sense of your world. I did step past it…….thanks to my family and friends (old and new)
- knowing I am in the right place, doing the right thing and that my future is here
- strangely and delightfully giving up eating myself (minds out of the gutter)…….I have cuticles……..I no longer gnaw on my fingers…how strange, it is a habit I have had since I was 8 years old
It’s been a helluva year but I’ve no regrets - alright maybe that one girl from San Fran I didn’t email back - oh well in the scheme of life that’s not bad and in the scheme of the last year……more a chuckle than a tragedy.
One thing I would change (although no longer feel personal angst about) – that I’d had the energy, the courage and emotional fortitude to really celebrate and say my goodbyes to the friends I was leaving behind, in body if not spirit. I’ll catch-up with you all in the end and trust that the good people hang around anyway.
Drinks are on me……..it’s a cheap round and expires in 24hrs (just as well – have you ever enjoyed one of my family get togethers………..nothing cheap about that!).

Sorry Telecom.......

Wow - if I was a Telecom shareholder I'd be pissed.........bet the new CE and his cronies get more than that in bonuses this financial year! It's but a drop in the bucket for the big boys. Go Shareholders association I say.
I've been following cave man as it's coincided with this...........these are the things that "entertain" my little populist, mainstream media self!

You have to wonder

The US Army is offering a "quick ship" bonus of $20k if new recruits will go to basic training within days of being accepted, rather than wait six months! The scary part is the recruiting targets are obviously really aggressive - one assumes that the "quick ship" then translates to quickly outta here and off to Iraq and Afganistan. I expect the next scandal will be "substandard recruits graduate basic training".
I have had a somewhat fruitless week - not really concentrating on much. Did go for a couple of nice walks with two woman I have met. One ending in a cafe on the beach where there was a group of about 20 ukulele players having a blast singing and strumming away. It felt all very "tropical island holidayish".
I've been looking into bike gear as well. Now well I don't consider that I am anything other than average height and hands and feet the appropriate size, motorcyle boot manufacturers have a different view. Karen and Brice has some excellent advice about this stuff as they have been touring for 20 years...........no wet feet for them nor clothing that isn't waterproof, and they've tested it in some conditions I hope never to find myself in. Obviously boots are really important but there are limited ranges in women's sizes and mine in particular! Also there's a difference between a riders boot (ie you're up front) and a passengers boot. Mostly about additional padding for gear changing. It looks like I am going to have to go for a BMW boot - label queen to the end I guess as the other better brands don't have my size and Karen and Brice assure me they have never had wet or cold feet! With my gimpy foot I can't really afford to have it get cold........and it is the one I change gears with. I have also resigned myself to the fact I will have to get my riding gear custom made - no way am I going to find anything off the shelf. Investigatings fun and the only thing I really need for the bike course in October are the boots. I could wear other boots but figure I have to get them anyway. Any excuse really.
Initial round of responses from publishers is good - more to come (I hope).
Much thinking and investigating going on around work (nothing re. FA job) as I watch the bank balance quietly bleed itself dry.

Vegemite and cheese sandwich

Happy happy happy, joy joy joy..............I miss sausage rolls too...........I don't care if it makes me a peasant.........you come live on the other side of the world and can't find any of your comfort food!

Back from San Fran

Had a lovely time and really enjoyed meeting Robyn. Was somewhat shocked to discover that her and H have been together for two years and this is really the first time I have actually sat down and been able to chat to Robyn.......met her first at the website launch and then the lesbian ball in Auckland, neither of which provided much room to get to know one another - oh and she did remind me (without judgement) that I had also met her once when I was terribly hungover (does that sound like me.........alright not so much these days, did make me cringe a little though, personal angst nothing more). I guess I have been gone nearly a year so didn't get that much opportunity to meet her before. It was lovely to chat in an animated, rapid fire kiwi way. We wandered around the shops abit and went to MOMA - which wasn't that great as they didn't really have much on show and nothing particularly interactive. Still there were some nice gems including this. When you stand in the centre of the beam of light it's like you are cut off and disembodied heads and shoulders float through the light.......very cool.

Now this was very interesting.....well known, not that I knew it. "Indigo Blue" has around 18,000 items of blue cotton work clothing, folded and stacked on a "floating" steel platform.
At one end of the platform there is an old wood table and chair. A volunteer sits silently at the table, erasing pages of a book: "International Law Situations," a Naval War College publication pertaining to legally defined land and water boundaries. Originally completed in Charleston's if you are interested you can read more here. Just the sought of thing that appeals to me!

The Jazz bar proved to be a winner. We had a quick meal before then qued to get in - just as well we had tickets it was sold out. Robyn pointed out that the set up reminded her of NY, I thought so too. As we qued we could see them setting up the seating and tables (there was an early 7pm show, we went at 10pm). They have these tiny little round tables that you sit at, order a drink and the show gets underway. The woman at the door liked our accents so we got to sit at the front. A woman in the que took a shine to Robyn, which was very cute...........although Robyn was casually indifferent I have to say. Anyway Kim Nalley sang for around an hour and a half and was fantastic. Very engaged with the audience and told a little of Nina Simones history. I'd go back but think you need to pick the performance as the performance is the focus, so you have to be in to it.

Other than that at 6pm I found out my bus was fully booked so went back to the hotel I'd stayed in (which also proved to be an excellent choice, right near Union Square, clean and safe......combined with cheap). Nice man (I think he was Malaysian - I couldn't quite pick his accent but he was very friendly) at the desk remembered me, noted that New Zealand was where Lord of the Rings was made and gaven me a discount on a discounted room and one away from the traffic. All very nice. Caught the 630am bus back to Santa Cruz. Speaking of Greyhound, if you do come to the US and feel inclined to bus between cities (it is very cheap) it will be a "cultural experience". I've seen and heard the oddest people while busing! The worst part is the really really awful bus stations - guess that's why it's cheap.

San Francisco

I'm feeling like a blogging fiend this week, but have realised I'm not actually saying much about what I am doing. Well, happily, I am off to San Fran for an overnight stay on Saturday. Helen's g/f, Robyn, is in town for one night and I am to be the entertainment. Well she's probably more than able to entertain herself, so she's really my entertainment and a little touch of NZ! She wants to go and see some gallery's which is easy and is interested in Jazz. I've done a bit of hunting and booked us into Jazz at Pearls, which is described as a Jazz Club - no jeans or baseball caps allowed (that's what they say so I hope it is true). Best thing is on the night we are going Kim Nalley sings Nina Simone. Nope I don't know who Kim is............apart from the fact that she is described as "a winner of the prestigious "10 Most Influential African-Americans in the Bay Area" award, and this show is a must and a rare tribute." I've decided to trust the critics. I do know who Nina Simone is. Anyway it's all just a bit of a punt....if it's bad I won't be alone and if it's good all the better.
I'm off to sit my drivers license written test this week so that I can book a practical. Glad I read the road code; got some different rules here. I've also been looking at a possible rental for Michelle when she gets back from NZ ('tis very cute, I like it alot).
Funnier yet I have been doing some "email networking" and chatting to a woman in Maine who works at a Carnival. I am now so much better informed about the life of a "Carnie" than I could ever have imagined. I really do like this chatting to complete strangers; why do you suppose I never felt able to do it in NZ? Don't answer - I already figured it out for myself........I already figured out a lot of things about who I wasn't being in NZ! There is something remarkably nice about arriving somewhere with no history and arriving in such a big arse place so that if ever I create a history I want to escape I can just move on!

Gramarphiles

And spelling........"Eats, shoots and Leaves". I know I know I know. There are spelling mistakes and gramatical errors in abundance in the blog - you are mostly too polite to say. I am, as we know, neither a grammar nazi nor a spelling freak.........it's a wonder I ever got employed as a consultant........let alone keep readers here where the spelling and grammar is all to hell. Shut up about the grama and the spellink - well mostly you do. I can hear you even if you don't say it. Mostly when I post I don't care to edit that much. That's the point; the first thing I write is close to the last thing you get. Sometimes I read back and cringe too. But really, when I chatted to you face to face I didn't always get it right then either...........it's free flowing. Sometimes it is enthusiasm, I am thinking faster than my fingers can type.......that's just dumb. For the book I take more care (and I have my little grammar Nazi but a breath away)........that's the point........for the things where, really, it might matter.......I take more care. I love being able to write when there is no book deal pending.....no academic qudos to be gained......no one to care, but me. But then really I want a book deal and academic something.........so that's not all quite true either!

Iraq for beginners

I found this quite interesting. It's called "A Fight for Iraq: A Regional Power Play". Put together by MSNBC it's a relatively short piece on the geopolitical drivers behind Iraq. It explains Iraq itself and then looks at the countries around it. It's not long but if you've got an interest in understanding what's going on in the region it's worth a look. I know it's simplistic and perhaps people more in the know could pick holes - still I thought it was good.......or maybe I just haven't been paying attention and all this is old news to everyone else (quite possible!). It's not about the US at all, and only briefly, towards the end trys to explain why it's difficult for the US to pull out.

Random distractions

I've been playing around with creating a may of My USA. I've put a permanent link on the side but what it displays is all the places I have visited..........visited being a lose term. I have passed through more but have chosen places I have either stayed overnight or spent a reasonable day sightseeing eg Chicago. It's a work in progress and those in the know won't be surprised that much of my US experience to date reflects where K & B have lived! Still there are some "self generated" locations and when I get the bike I'll be able to add even more!
These are the things you can do when you are an unemployed writer!

The day of reckoning

I've been given the nod........it's time to throw the dice and discover if anyone will publish this book. Draft chapters to be sent by the end of the week, several more to be withheld. It's a winner or a loser, to be published or not. More may be required to convince. I'm ready - complete defeat, I hope not............for the first time NZAlien and My Book find a meeting ground. Let's hope or believe both will briefly merge. I seldom accept defeat in the first round....unless I see it as something not worth fighting for. Games on.

Social networking

Well I just don't remember being this confused in NZ.....maybe I didn't care.......but here there are multiple channels for connecting on line. Three quick and easy ones, blogging (clearly my medium of choice), face book........and MySpace. Right then, I chose the blog so that everyone I already knew could keep up with what I was doing. It never occured to me that anyone I didn't know might want to keep up with what I was THINKING..........But apparently it's big here. I've been asked several times if I have a MySpace page. Ummmm no.....seems weird to me. I suppose in someways the blog is the same, except those of you that are reading don't identify yourselves to one another. Well it's all about me - I'm fine with that. I haven't bothered to do enough research on MySpace vs Facebook (secretly thinking it's all in the marketing anyway). I kinda like the bloggers I find - I've surfed into a few MySpace pages and never really thought about Facebook. I guess if I wasn't a blogger (who chose a host who makes it too scary for most to comment) you could all now race in with your opinions. Oh the host I chose wasn't intentional by the way, it was just the first host I came across when I thought having a blog was a good idea - see you all think I am much sneakier than I am sometimes. Anyway I guess that's the difference. Blogging is a little "one way", unless you take the big leap offered by Blogger. Although I could, like the other sites, make my blog private - but then that wouldn't seem to be in the spirit of the thing (at least for me). And I invited some people to read it who may or may not be actively taking up the offer - it would seem rude to now push you away - even if we no longer have contact and I don't have your email address (and you don't have mine). Actually when I reflect on it I think I like just putting up what I think. It's all about me me me...........those of you with my email address let me know what you think (okay sometimes some of you are too polite). Those of you without have to leap into cyber space with me to let me know - few have and that's okay too. Some of you are among the "secret readers" - I've got a counter, I know you are out there. Actually I put the counter on when I went throuh a moment of insecurity many months ago - thinking that no one cared anyway so I'd just stop blogging entirely. The numbers kept going up, I felt gratified, ego satisfied (I really don't care to know everyone that might be reading - unless you think it's important - I just cared that someone was reading and it might be the same small group checking in..........I just cared someone was reading and I wasn't just talking to myself - I now have my book blog for that) so I've kept going. I like that my family read it and I find it hugely funny and ironic that the friends (and family too) probably know more about my life on a daily/weekly basis through the blog than they ever did when I was in NZ. That's my random thought for the day. If you are bored with me go to the header and click on the "next blog" and see what other people are thinking.........avoid the porn (or enjoy it if you have a mind), check the photos on the pages you can't read because they aren't in english (unless I have secret bilingual readers.......that's a nice thought, but I don't think my blog is nearly interesting enough to hold the interest of "random stranger"). Sometimes the "next blog" is good, that's how I found Odd Spot - I've found others too, keep clicking.......there's a whole other world out there!

In sum

Today I took up the somewhat dubious, but no less entertaining, opportunity to summarise my life since Office Cadet School. The class is putting together a DVD of photos etc etc. It's fascinating to see what everyones been doing and how we've variously transformed from 21 years ago! In the spirit of total transparency this is how I described the last 21 years of my life:
"After graduation and two somewhat dull years as a Transport and Catering Troop Commander I left the Army in 1989 and went to Victoria University of Wellington. After completing a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and Women’s Studies I spent time working as a community newspaper journalist and wondering what to do next! Through a series of events I re-enlisted in the Army in February 1994, as a Specialist Officer in public information. I spent six months as the Assistant Public Information Officer (Army) – working for Bernie’s father, George. Then through an even more bazaar series of events I deployed to Bosnia-Herzegovina as the Public Relations Officer for the First New Force to deploy as part of UNPROFOR. Eight months later I arrived back in New Zealand having grown up a lot and generally looking for something new to do. I went back to my role as Assistant Public Information Officer (Army) and left the Army, again, in 1996 to take up a role in Treasury as the Assistant Director Communications, where I was involved in selling airports and the like. Was then head hunted into the Communications Director role at the then Ministry of Commerce, which we subsequently transformed into the Ministry of Economic Development. Somewhere in there I completed a Post Graduate Diploma in Business Administration.
I leapt out of the public sector and into Fletcher Challenge in Auckland as the Communications Manager for Fletcher Building, just as they were pulling Fletchers apart. Ultimately joined the ranks of the redundant and got employed as a Communications Consultant for Sweeny Vesty in Auckland. Got lured, somewhat foolishly, from there into Fonterra and, with some relief got made redundant. I returned to Wellington, set myself up in my own consultancy while I completed a Masters in Diplomacy and Trade from Monash University in Australia.
Ultimately my dream has been to come and live and work in the USA so I entered the green card lottery and got selected. Arriving in the USA in September 2006 I lived on a Ranch in New Mexico for seven months and now reside in California. I have an online military museum dedicated to women who have served (www.bracketsw.com) and I am planning to buy a touring motorcycle by the end of the year. Currently I am writing a book and wondering what to do next. To say I am a restless soul would be an understatement! Along the way I have travelled a lot, drunk a lot, eaten well and fallen in and out of relationships. Right now happily single and content to keep it that way."
Okay to be fair it naturally has a professional focus. Still it more than amused me to think about what I had done over this time. Can't say I've dwelled long anywhere and those of you reading, who were involved in various phases, could add your own colourful potraits I'm sure! Nice to have a sense of no regrets - that in itself would seem to be an achievement worth celebrating.