While I am between jobs I have been doing some self reflection (yes I do, occasionally, do this!). Going back to NZ I was really quite startled to discover the number of folk that were in long term and (to all appearances - no cynicism intended, just being real) stable relationships. Not to say that they are all perfect but it did strike me that at some point I fell off that relationship wagon (well, as you might recall, I was pushed and quite forcefully). Picking up the pieces took some time and raised a whole lot of other things....but here I am nearly four years on and can report, with more than a little delight.....that I am over it - how it happened, what happened, why it happened and the woeful reasons provided no longer matter. In the end what matters is that I am quite possibly in the best emotional (and physical for that matter) space I've been in for years. It is entirely lovely to feel the baggage fall away. Oh sure, am I still a little pissed off, you bet, could have done without THAT particular journey; 'lil bit of kindness/generosity from the other party goes along way in those moments, but not everyone can offer it up, so in the end you have to let that expectation go too. But we all survive and, at our best, survive it well. It's a fab feeling and one I could only really have reflected on by virtue of going to NZ.
Of course this little revelation coincides with my making the career shift....the shift I've craved for a lot of years. As much as I've loved working in comms and enjoyed feeling at least a little competent at what I do, I want and have always wanted more. I think sometimes my job changes have appeared a little random; they weren't/aren't. I never make a change without a lot of thought, not all of which I share externally. It is true though that I am prepared to leap off the cliff (or take the risk) and make the choice relatively quickly (too quickly sometimes?). I never feel complacent though, always wonder about reaching the level of my incompetence, never take anything for granted. Kudos to my family; success isn't something we think we are entitled to but something you work hard for (and damn hard) and, more importantly, you're responsible for your choices; when they are good you get to celebrate and when they aren't so good you better fix it. To my delight, and surprise, this week I discovered that no matter what happens next I really haven't burnt any professional bridges (which was, in fact, the biggest risk in this move). Everyone has been more than affirming that should I change my mind or find it's not what I really want then there are open ended conversations available (timing and context is all, but nobody actually had to tell me that!). It is all the more delightful because it attests to the quality of people I have been working for and with - professional, smart, emotionally intelligent and fun!
Tuesday, new job, new world, new logistics AND the big prize for the year to keep focused on. Going forward in the blog, more photos (assuming I get to visit more places), more adventures and less naval gazing (once a year is enough don't ya think?).
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